I wasn't going to put up a tree this year. My heart wasn't in it. I wasn't going to put out lights. My heart wasn't in it. The "Christmas Spirit" seemed to be residing somewhere else. I used to "go all out" at Christmas. Lights outside and in. Christmas decorations in every corner. I even tried the Elf on the Shelf shenanigans when the girls were both in high school. "Really, Mom?" was the response. Travis and I have been divorced for several years, and in that time the girls have been away at Christmas many times. I thought...... hoped that my mind would make me believe that this year was like many in the past. But my heart knows different. I was walking around outside one day thinking of my lack of spirit - thinking of Lizzie and how I miss her - feeling generally pitiful. Then I began thinking of another child born, on Christmas, who died. I began thinking that Christmas is not a time to feel sad or depressed for those we have lost, but happy for the One we have found. Christmas is a time to remember the One who lived his life and died for all of us to be able to live our lives and one day live again with Him. So, I bought a new fake tree (allergies), new decorations, and put up a Christmas tree. I decorated the outside with lights.
Did I go "all out" as in the past? No. Part of the reason is that I just don't want to have to put it all away when the time comes. (residual bah humbug?).......However, the totes are still sitting in my living room It may happen between now and tomorrow. Who knows?
I miss Lizzie so very much. Christmas celebrations will be different from now on, but the reason for the celebration is the same as it has been for thousands of years. Yes, we will mourn the loss of our loved ones. But we must remember the One who was born on Christmas. The One who died so that we may one day live in Heaven.
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| I think I need more lights! |
