Thursday, April 3, 2014

Eyes to See. Ears to Hear. A Heart to Listen

As far as I know I cannot be hypnotized. I tried it once at a comedy club in Houston. I pretended that I was. I actually got up on stage and pretended to do all the things the guy was saying to do.....until I got bored and sat down. I'd like to think that it was because I have such a strong mind. But more than likely the guy was a fake and the other people on stage were just acting too. I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. I'm not saying that I question God's existence. I haven't gotten mad at God. I haven't screamed at Him, shook my fists at Heaven, stomped my feet in protest. Lizzie always said that she had prayed for a testimony. She said that she felt she couldn't be a strong witness for God because she had a good life. So, she prayed. And she was given a testimony. There were so many times that we talked about her illness. Very, very, very rarely did Lizzie break down. Once when she was receiving chemo she asked me point blank what if it didn't work. I can still see her looking out the window of TX Children's. The room was on the side that faces Holcombe. She had this look on her face. It was one of the few times that I saw the little girl beneath the brave warrior. I always believed the chemo would work. I could visualize the chemicals searching out the tumors like liquid submarines and attacking. I just kept telling her that it had to be working. It killed her hair - it's got to kill those tumors. The times I would question why she was given this particular burden, Lizzie would reply, "Cause God knows I am strong enough to handle it. No offense, Mom, but if you had gotten cancer, you'd be a basket case." I envied her faith: So total and unwavering. Which brings me - finally - to my point. I think I am deaf. In Sunday School last Sunday we talked of knowing the authentic voice from the fake. I told my sister that I have no problem telling the difference. It's just that I am not hearing any voices. I know He is here. I see Him in the hug from a friend just when I needed it. I see Him in a community that rallied together to support my child. I see Him in the notes and letters that were sent to Lizzie and on her facebook page. I see Him in the faith that others have in Him. I went to see God' Not Dead tonight. I believe the arguments that the main character made. How can the diversity of life be a result of evolution? He's here. I know he is. I just want to hear His voice. Lizzie was right. I would have been a basket case.

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