Today is the best day of the year. Jesus CONQUERED DEATH so that we can have a relationship with him. I have to admit that I sometimes forget the importance of this day, especially this morning. Some days cancer really really sucks, and today was one of them. I woke up feeling sick and once I got to church my nausea only got worse. I know this is scary to hear, but this morning I was perfectly ok with dying, in fact I would have considered it a blessing. After lunch I started to feel better, so I decided to listen to a little christian music as I napped. As I was listening to the lyrics, I had a much needed "AH HA!" moment with God. I was thinking about my cancer and Easter and I had an epiphany which left me thinking "I see what you did there". Since my diagnoses, my faith had started to confuse me. Although I knew that I was safe in God's hands and that whatever happens is part of his greater plan for me, I found myself drifting from him. I had stopped reading my Bible and was praying less and less everyday. I can even remember laying in the hospital this past week telling God that I just needed a break from him. Just a little time to myself without having to try, I was tired of putting in the effort to make the relationship work. But God has a funny way of not letting that happen, he never lets go. Even though I was tired of him, he was still working in my life and drawing me closer without my realizing it. Easter and/or my cancer could not have come at a better time. Both are working together to make this day even more awesome. Katelyn McWilliams mentioned to me one day that the greater our suffering becomes, the more God's grace can grow. I really do understand that now. God wants a relationship with us, even if we are running from him. That's why he sent his only son to suffer on the cross for us.
Just a few words of wisdom
"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through our suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."
2 Corinthians 4:8-10