My remission ending has not made me sad at all. This is a little weird, but it might have made me happier. I know that without this, I never would do any of the things I really wanted to with my life. I would have left college and gone straight into my career without giving any of the items on my bucket list a look. Nothing is holding me back now, I'm free to take any leap that I want.
One thing that makes me smile is the knowledge that God is using me. A few weeks ago I was consoling a friend and mentioned something that I didn't really think would apply to me again, but it does. God uses us for reasons that we may not always know, and sometimes that entails large struggles on our part. Cancer is not the way I imagined God using me, but that's the way it is so all I can do is be happy for this opportunity to touch people's lives. Cancer sucks a ton, but in my opinion, knowing that I'm positively affecting someone's life right now far outweighs the suckiness of being sick.
My bucket list used to have only one thing on it, and it was to know that before I died, I left a positive mark on Earth. I know that right now I am. After I'm gone (which isn't for a while) there's going to be a big ol' Lizzie footprint in the lives of my friends, family, and maybe even people I don't know. Because of this, I can go to bed smiling every night, even when I am stressed over finals or feeling cruddy.
So even though I'm sick, life is good. Really good.