So yesterday I picked up the book The Fault in Our Stars and basically devoured every page. I finished it earlier today and it was amazing. John Green was thinking of me when he wrote this book, not really, but the similarities between my life and the main character's life are astounding, besides the whole boy part. But if you honestly want to know what a teenager with cancer is thinking, read this book. I cannot say that enough. John Green is able to capture so many of my feelings and thoughts in this novel that it's crazy. Feelings that I would probably never share with anyone besides my sisters or mom, because let's face it, if you ask me how I'm doing, I'm going to lie to you. No one really wants to hear how crappy someone's life may be, and I honestly don't like telling people how cruddy I feel sometimes. So if you want to know my thoughts that I would never actually tell you, read this book. Even if you don't want to know my thoughts, read this book. It pretty much captures the life of a teenager living with cancer. Their thoughts. Their feelings. The reasoning behind their actions.
This book also opened my eyes. Like alot. It's like my eyelids are taped to my forehead my eyes are so open. I'm not going to give away the ending, but it's about a teenage girl in the last stages of cancer, so you do the math. I think I just had really romanticized ideas about dying and this burst them wide open. I thought I would feel as cruddy as I do on a bad day now and just not wake up, but it doesn't really happen like that. The amount of independence I'll have will be minimal to none and that kind of makes me angry. I feel like I'm digressing. When I can finally become an adult, cancer is just like nope, I'm going to make it to where you have to depend on people for the simplest things. Anyways, I'm not looking forward to that. At all. I guess I'm scared and angry about the day that finally comes, when I'm more dependent than independent and feel yucky more days than not.
But for now, it's been a good week. I feel so much better than I did last week. I'm independent and feeling well now so I'm going to enjoy it while I can. And with that, I bid you adieu because I really do have to read for class.