Thursday, April 11, 2013

Around Here Lately

So this past week I did not feel well. At all. Like all I wanted to do was lay in bed. I felt like curling up and dying. I think it's safe to say this past week was not pleasant. My symptoms are right back where they were when I was diagnosed, if not worse. Because of the fluid in my lungs, I cough whenever I really laugh or when I'm laying down. And not like a baby cough. It's like a whole body cough that leaves me whimpering at the end. I'm also out of breath and energy. I feel like a morbidly  obese woman walking around campus because it takes that much effort for me to just get around. And if I don't take nausea medicine in the morning I'll puke. I'd rather just sleep all day and have lost my will to do well in school. I'm kind of whatevs on life right now.

I went to the doctor today and he prescribed some medicine that's supposed to help with my lung. It's supposed to get rid of the excess liquid, so I'm going to be peeing like a pregnant woman soon. Also, I'm going to start chemo again. This won't be like the last time though. It's not going to cure me, but it should help with my symptoms. I'll just go in two days a week and get it through my veins so I don't have to get a port put in. It shouldn't make my hair fall out and the side effects should be minimal compared to the last time. He also said I should talk to some team. I don't remember the name of it, but it's basically an end of life team. They're supposed to treat my symptoms and keep me out of the hospital.

I don't know if it's hit me yet that I'm dying or if it has and I just know where I'm going so I'm not really concerned.


  1. You've cracked my heart wide open Lizzie. Your faith, your courage, your story, your journey and all its parallels to my daughter's own story. God has given you strong shoes for this path on which HE walks beside you. I am thinking of you and praying over you in this moment. For peace, for gentleness, softness and light. I have so much more to say to you, but my words escape me right now. You take my breath away Lizzie. You are all that is good. All that is gracious, all that is faithful and true. Thank you for bearing the weight of your soul to all of us.
    Deep love.
    Mary Nickels
    Mattie's momma