Tattoo

Thanks so much to the Cook family for taking me to get my tattoo. I love it, I really do!

Yesterday I made the drive out to Nacogdoches to get a tattoo. YOLO, right?!?


JUST KIDDING.

 It wasn't spur of the moment. I didn't just get something to say I did. I've thought about this for a long time now and finally made a decision. I knew this was going to be permanent so I took the time to really think about what I wanted to get. I wanted something that described my goals, but not something that was cliche. I wanted something that I could look at and smile because it is a subtle hint of what I'm supposed to be doing. So I got the world tattooed on my left wrist.

Now every time I look at my arm, I am reminded that I need to be the change I want to see in the world. It's a constant reminder to strive to be a better person. A reminder that people are out there with much worse circumstances than mine. A reminder that every decision I make makes an impact on another life.
I never thought I would ever get a tattoo. I used to think they were trashy (no offense), but now I realize why people get them. Some people just need reminders of what's important to them or what they stand for. This is my life motto. Be the change you want to see in the world. I think it's better than Drake's. Just saying....

Make a Wish!

Thanks to everyone who told me about the meteor shower! It was great.

 Look at the stars! Just kidding. My attempt to take a picture of the meteor shower.

I was going to watch it in Austin, but I decided to come home instead. Then I made plans to watch it with a friend, but she ended up not being able to. But gosh darn it! I was going to watch that shower. I ended up watching it with my sister and my mom. It was great! I love them more than anything and I'm glad I got to share this with them.

BE the change

Have you ever noticed how humans are like playdough?

We're constantly morphing ourselves to fit the situation we're in. We act differently around our parents than we would around our boyfriend or girlfriend. We'll say something in front of our friends that we won't say in front of our pastor. We change ourselves to be comfortable, to fit in. This is a fact. It's a method of survival. Adapt to survive. There's nothing wrong with that.
 But have you ever noticed that we never mold ourselves to be better than the status quo? We always mold ourselves after an example, but never to be an example. Once we fit in, we don't try to change ourselves to be something better. We just try to fit the mold that everyone else is. This is what's bad about being playdough. It doesn't change by itself. From what I've heard, playdough has never thought "hmmmm. I don't like who I am now, I should make myself better." It has to be molded by an outside force. Whether that be our hands, or a plastic mold. Humans don't change by themselves either. If we're comfortable with how we are, that's how we'll stay until we're told to change. And even then it's a long process because we always see how others should change, but acknowledging our own faults is not easy.
After the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, it's easy to say that "you've lost hope in humanity". It's easy to gripe about gun laws. It's even easier to share pictures that "restore" hope. It's easy because it requires no effort whatsoever. Any one can make a facebook status. Anyone can send a tweet. Anyone can express their thoughts on what's wrong with humanity. But few of us will actually make an effort to change what's wrong with the world. Why is that? Because it requires a change within ourselves. There is not a single force responsible for the downfall of the integrity of the human race, but there are about 7 billion. What's wrong with humanity lies within each and every one of us and nothing about it is going to change until we look in the mirror and address the problem.

So instead of talking about changes, be the change, because nothing ever happens just by talking about it. There has to be some kind of action to initiate change. Take a day and reflect on how you could be a better person. Work on being just a little bit nicer every day.  Do twenty acts of kindness like this amazing couple who went out of their way (and comfort zone) to make an anonymous impact on the lives of people in Lufkin.Whatever you do, it doesn't have to be drastic. Most of the time, the biggest changes start out with just a little something different.

Props to Walker and Katelyn McWilliams. I am so proud to call them my friends. And if you didn't click the link to their blog earlier, click on it NOW! If everyone does what they did, the world would be a much happier place.

I have Cancer again and that's not a bad thing

My remission ending has not made me sad at all. This is a little weird, but it might have made me happier. I know that without this, I never would do any of the things I really wanted to with my life. I would have left college and gone straight into my career without giving any of the items on my bucket list a look. Nothing is holding me back now, I'm free to take any leap that I want.

One thing that makes me smile is the knowledge that God is using me. A few weeks ago I was consoling a friend and mentioned something that I didn't really think would apply to me again, but it does. God uses us for reasons that we may not always know, and sometimes that entails large struggles on our part. Cancer is not the way I imagined God using me, but that's the way it is so all I can do is be happy for this opportunity to touch people's lives. Cancer sucks a ton, but in my opinion, knowing that I'm positively affecting someone's life right now far outweighs the suckiness of being sick.

My bucket list used to have only one thing on it, and it was to know that before I died, I left a positive mark on Earth. I know that right now I am. After I'm gone (which isn't for a while) there's going to be a big ol' Lizzie footprint in the lives of my friends, family, and maybe even people I don't know. Because of this, I can go to bed smiling every night, even when I am stressed over finals or feeling cruddy.

So even though I'm sick, life is good. Really good.

Bucket List

This is a work in progress and it's not in any particular order. I'm just going to add them as I think of them


Mission trip to Africa or South America (maybe even both!!)
Skydive
Bungee Jump
See an alligator in the wild
Tickle a penguin
Go to a Katy Perry concert
Meet Ryan Gosling
Meet Joseph Gordon- Levitt
Go to Europe
Visit New York during Christmas time
Go scuba diving
Adopt (more like sponsor) an orphan
Get a tattoo
Go on a helicopter ride over Austin at night
Cheesy I know, but get my first kiss
Ride in a hot air balloon
Run a 5k (for those of you who don't know me, that's a big deal because I DO NOT run)
Take dance classes again
Go paragliding
Ride a segway
See floating lanterns like in the movie Tangled
Crowd surf
Be in a professional photoshoot
Go to a filming of So You Think You Can Dance
Watch a meteor shower
Jump off a waterfall
Go rock climbing
Play paintball
Watch sea turtles hatch
Pet a giraffe
Hold a monkey
Visit a glow worm cave
Get a hot stone massage
Swim in Blue Hole
Learn to play the piano
Visit a walk through aquarium

Scans

It's back. My remission is over.

I guess technically I never was in remission. There was a spot on my last round of scans but the doctors weren't sure what it was so we decided to just monitor it. On the scans I had yesterday it was doubled in size, so it's definitely cancer. They also found  four more spots on my diaphragm.

I can't say I'm surprised. I've been really tired lately and I've started having bits of nausea again so deep down I really knew. Also, this is going to be really weird, but the deciding factor was that popcorn made me sick. Before I had my tumors removed, eating popcorn made my stomach feel really weird and hurt. The other week I had popcorn and couldn't sleep because my stomach felt so uncomfortable. 

Chemo doesn't work and having surgery on that area to remove the tumors is iffy. It looks like there's nothing left to do. Even if we could do surgery, I don't think I will. The tumors will just keep coming back. My life would be longer, but I would hate it because it would just  be filled with surgeries. So I'm just going to keep on living my life as long as I can. I'm not sad or afraid. I get to be with my friends and family here and then I get to go to my real home in heaven. Either way it's a win win situation!

I just want all of you to know that I'm happy and I don't hurt. This gives me the opportunity to do what I really want to do with my life but didn't have the courage to do beforehand. I'm planning some great things and I'll post pictures here so you can all be a part of my adventure. I'm just going to close it out with my favorite scripture ever which just so happens to fit the situation perfectly!

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13

Thanksgiving

Everyday, a ton of my Facebook friends post something they are thankful for. It's so nice to see people stop and really think about what we cherish and are thankful for, because, often, these are the things we overlook. It's so much easier to focus on the bad stuff that happens to us. I find myself asking God why he lets bad things happen way more often often than I thank him for the blessings he has given me. So this is my form of the thankful Facebook post. I'm only going to do one, but this is the most important and relevant to my life right now.

I am thankful that I had Cancer.

Yes, that is a shocker, but I've been thinking about it and if I could go back in time and prevent myself from getting it, I wouldn't. This struggle has changed me for the better and I am so grateful for it. It has taught me what real friendship is, it has taught me what to value in life, and it has deepened my relationship with God. God was able to use me for his plan and I can not tell you how giddy that makes me feel.

So thank you, God, for making me a stronger person. Thank you for giving me the challenge I needed to blossom.

On Wednesday, I go in for my second round of scans to see if any cancer has returned. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm completely confident that they will be clean. As optimistic as I am, sometimes being a realist is better. Because liver cancer is so aggressive, it seems as if a recurrence is not a matter of if, but a matter of when. My struggle may not be over yet, but I will face any new obstacle head on and rejoice knowing that my God is standing beside me every step of the way.