This is a work in progress and it's not in any particular order. I'm just going to add them as I think of them
Mission trip to Africa or South America (maybe even both!!)
Skydive
Bungee Jump
See an alligator in the wild
Tickle a penguin
Go to a Katy Perry concert
Meet Ryan Gosling
Meet Joseph Gordon- Levitt Go to Europe Visit New York during Christmas time
Go scuba diving
Adopt (more like sponsor) an orphan Get a tattoo
Go on a helicopter ride over Austin at night Cheesy I know, but get my first kiss
Ride in a hot air balloon
Run a 5k (for those of you who don't know me, that's a big deal because I DO NOT run)
Take dance classes again
Go paragliding
Ride a segway
See floating lanterns like in the movie Tangled Crowd surf
Be in a professional photoshoot
Go to a filming of So You Think You Can Dance Watch a meteor shower
Jump off a waterfall
Go rock climbing
Play paintball
Watch sea turtles hatch Pet a giraffe
Hold a monkey
Visit a glow worm cave
Get a hot stone massage
Swim in Blue Hole
Learn to play the piano
Visit a walk through aquarium
I guess technically I never was in remission. There was a spot on my last round of scans but the doctors weren't sure what it was so we decided to just monitor it. On the scans I had yesterday it was doubled in size, so it's definitely cancer. They also found four more spots on my diaphragm.
I can't say I'm surprised. I've been really tired lately and I've started having bits of nausea again so deep down I really knew. Also, this is going to be really weird, but the deciding factor was that popcorn made me sick. Before I had my tumors removed, eating popcorn made my stomach feel really weird and hurt. The other week I had popcorn and couldn't sleep because my stomach felt so uncomfortable.
Chemo doesn't work and having surgery on that area to remove the tumors is iffy. It looks like there's nothing left to do. Even if we could do surgery, I don't think I will. The tumors will just keep coming back. My life would be longer, but I would hate it because it would just be filled with surgeries. So I'm just going to keep on living my life as long as I can. I'm not sad or afraid. I get to be with my friends and family here and then I get to go to my real home in heaven. Either way it's a win win situation!
I just want all of you to know that I'm happy and I don't hurt. This gives me the opportunity to do what I really want to do with my life but didn't have the courage to do beforehand. I'm planning some great things and I'll post pictures here so you can all be a part of my adventure. I'm just going to close it out with my favorite scripture ever which just so happens to fit the situation perfectly!
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13
Everyday, a ton of my Facebook friends post something they are thankful for. It's so nice to see people stop and really think about what we cherish and are thankful for, because, often, these are the things we overlook. It's so much easier to focus on the bad stuff that happens to us. I find myself asking God why he lets bad things happen way more often often than I thank him for the blessings he has given me. So this is my form of the thankful Facebook post. I'm only going to do one, but this is the most important and relevant to my life right now.
I am thankful that I had Cancer.
Yes, that is a shocker, but I've been thinking about it and if I could go back in time and prevent myself from getting it, I wouldn't. This struggle has changed me for the better and I am so grateful for it. It has taught me what real friendship is, it has taught me what to value in life, and it has deepened my relationship with God. God was able to use me for his plan and I can not tell you how giddy that makes me feel.
So thank you, God, for making me a stronger person. Thank you for giving me the challenge I needed to blossom.
On Wednesday, I go in for my second round of scans to see if any cancer has returned. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm completely confident that they will be clean. As optimistic as I am, sometimes being a realist is better. Because liver cancer is so aggressive, it seems as if a recurrence is not a matter of if, but a matter of when. My struggle may not be over yet, but I will face any new obstacle head on and rejoice knowing that my God is standing beside me every step of the way.
It's been a long hard week, and mine isn't even over yet. I have a midterm tomorrow, so I really shouldn't be writing this right now, yet here I am. I really just wanted to vent to people about how horrible my week has been and all I wanted to do was eat my weight in cookies. I bombed two tests this week, didn't get to go to After Dark, missed a psychology study so now I have to make that up with even more studies, and I didn't get to go to bible study. I swear all I've done this week was sit at my desk and study. I've been so stressed that I haven't been able to sleep causing my eyes to make me look like a raccoon, and now that I have hair, I actually have to do something with it. I now understand curly hair problems and the only solution I've found is a hat.
But my aunt sent me cookies and a smiley face balloon AND some random guy went out of his way to open a door for me which brightened my day a little bit. He probably thought I had been crying because apparently I've been rubbing my eyes and my mascara was all the way down to my cheek bones, but that's beside the point.
The point is that I had been dwelling on the negative and overlooking the positives of my week. I was worrying about the grades I made, and there is nothing I can do about them, they're in the past and I can't change that. But I can change what tomorrow will be. I just need to remember that I have friends that are awesome, family that loves me, and a God that adores me. I really don't need anything else. My life is good, today and everyday.
Our attitude determines the type of day we'll have, so stay positive and don't worry. As far as I know, worrying doesn't add a single day to our lives. Tomorrow is a new day so just take a deep breath and smile, everything is going to be alright.
P.S.- Thanks for the cookies, I've already had four.
And for those of you that aren't my facebook friends, here's a picture of my hair. It's grown a lot since the last picture of me I put on here.
This story just proves what I've been saying. No one suffers without purpose. God has reasoning behind every little thing in our life. He's not just throwing stuff at us because he can, he loves us way too much for that. This couple is amazing and their story is astounding.
I seriously listened to My Dear by Bethel Music on repeat like twenty times today. I love it. I couldn't upload the video though so here's a link to watch the cutest video of it ever. I hope my faith is as evident in my wedding as it was in their's. Seriously, this is beautiful.
This is my FAVORITE WORSHIP SONG EVER. It reminds me of how deep and wide God's love is. His love is bigger than I can imagine and stronger than I will ever know.
This video gives me chills every time I watch it. So moving. I just watched it now and almost started crying.
Here are some other really good songs,
This next one has poor sound quality. I'm sorry! It's the only one I could find. If you want to look it up it's called We Will Sing by Burgundy Road.
Living he loved me. Dying he saved me. And buried he carried my sins far away. I forget how big of a sacrifice God made to know me sometimes. His love and grace is more than enough for me, and I am so thankful that he is a forgiving God .Without him, I would be nothing.
I know there are a ton of videos on here, but each one of them is worth watching. ESPECIALLY THE SECOND ONE. If you watch any of these, watch the second one.
