So yesterday was the day I had been dreading since my surgery. Scan day, the day that determined my life for the next year. As you know, my cancer is very aggressive and does not respond well to chemotherapy. Knowing that the only way to really get results is to remove the tumors, I was afraid that I still had tumors somewhere in my body. So my mentality going into this day was hope for the best but expect the worst. After all my scans were over, my mom and I waited in a conference room while the doctors reviewed the images for a LONG time. When the doctors returned to tell us the news, they had smiles on their faces. My scans were clean!  The only reason they took so long was that my body was playing a game of Tetris. There is a piece missing so my organs are moving around to try to fit that hole so it was hard for the doctors to tell what was what. But they said everything looked great! I even get to have my port removed so that I can enjoy a normal college life! Let's just hope that I don't get skin cancer from this sunburn I'm sporting!

I'm supposed to be writing an article for a magazine, but I'm on the last paragraph and completely stuck. So I decided to write a new post on here. Hopefully this will get rid of my writer's block.

This week post chemo has been great! I've hardly been sick, which is really awesome, and have had energy to do fun things with friends. It's going to take a while until I can hang out like I used to, but that's expected and completely understandable (I've been taking medicine that's killing my insides!! And I'm not going to lie, it also gives me bad gas. So if you smell something funky, it was probably me.) Here's a little look at my past week.

I went bowling Wednesday night with my church youth group. I did pretty well for my usual no-bumper bowling. Scored a 64! We then went to Chickfila where I ate my Sonic double patty cheeseburger. YUMMY! Then I went to see Bernie, the new movie with Jack Black and Matthew McConaughey. I really recommend seeing it. It's not the usual stupid Jack Black movie, not that I don't enjoy Shallow Hal. He does a really good job portraying his character. Plus it's a true story about a man from Carthage, Texas. Most of the people in the movie are actual townspeople that knew Bernie. Their dialect and thoughts make the movie so great.

Thursday night I got to wear my new cowboy boots that I got for graduation. A couple of my friends and I drove to Nacogdoches to enjoy a nice dinner at Auntie Pastas. We gorged on fresh bread and enjoyed elegant conversation of menopause and hot waiters. After we all went to a friend's house and watched the season premier of Awkward, my favorite show on MTV. (Frankly it's the only one worth watching.) I then rode Phoebe's donkey

before playing my first ever game of Cops and Robbers. I would make a horrible cop in real life, we caught less than half the people the first round and zero the second. It was still super fun though!

Friday I enjoyed a nice outing with my aunt and sister. We ate yummy chicken enchiladas at a tea room before going to see an early showing of Magic Mike. BIG MISTAKE.  Most awkward movie of my life, do not go see it with family. Too be honest, the movie was not at all what I expected and I was severely disappointed in it. The dancing wasn't that great. Channing Tatum does some really good solos, but other than that it's just a lot of pelvic thrusts and men putting their business in people's faces.

Later that night I went to a friend's 50th birthday party (AKA Club Clint). The hosts had a garage? with a disco ball and sound system hooked up which made the night super fun. This was the funnest party I have ever been to! We danced all night and enjoyed the sounds of the eighties!

Are we smiling?!

I just wanted to share a piece of my boredom project. These toms used to be a cream canvas color. I still have to paint the other one though! I'm not going to lie, I chose to paint this because it was the coolest design that required the least amount of artistic ability. The reason I'm so bored is that I am in the hospital this week for my final round of chemo. Yes, you read that correctly. I'm in remission! I emerged victorious in my battle with cancer!I am a survivor. (To all of my past english teachers) I ain't got no more cancer in my body thanks to God and my doctors. Although this news is great and I'm super super duper happy about it, I am not ready to fully celebrate. There is a very real chance that it can recur. For the next couple of years, I will have scans every three months to see if any tumors have grown. So I ask that you still keep me in your prayers. Cancer completely changes your mindset. Pre diagnosis, I never thought about getting cancer, but now I will forever fear its return. This fear will not affect the way I live my life (besides the fact that I'm a sunscreen addict now), but it will always be in the back of my mind. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think most cancer survivors think this way.



Thanks to everyone who cheered me on during this battle and followed my blog. Do y'all think that I should keep up with it, other than to update my prognosis every three months?

So I was looking through my blog the other day and realized I never made an update about how my surgery went! As you all know, I survived. The surgeon removed 2/3 of my liver up to the margin where he could no longer remove anymore. He was not able to get all of the tumor, he had to leave a little sliver which hopefully will be killed with my chemo. He also removed my gallbladder, the tumor in my esophagus, and the tumor by my heart. During the surgery, the surgeon found and removed four more spots in my diaphragm and bile track that looked iffy. When tested, three of them came back positive for cancer. I'm really lucky my surgeons were some of the best in their specialty and saw those spots, because they were too small to be seen on any X-rays.

 I've felt SO MUCH BETTER since the surgery. It's crazy how much that tumor in my esophagus made me puke. Now that it's gone, I don't get sick! And now that I'm all healed up I can do anything I set my mind to.

 Here's a picture of my awesome battle scar!

Cancer changes everything. It takes a toll on your body. It changes your hair, obviously. It changes your perspective on life. It changes the way your family functions. All of which I expected. What I didn't expect was for it to change my friends and how they act around me. I've noticed that they all pretty much fall into these three groups.

Some will try to use you. Even if we've barely talked my entire life, we're instant "best friends". They take everything you tell them and use it as a way to get ahead. Nothing you tell them is safe because it will eventually be used as information to hold over others' heads. You're almost like their new shiny toy that they carry around to make others jealous. This works for them for a while, but once you're no longer that much of a concern to others, they drop you as quickly as they picked you up.

Others don't really know how to act around you. They treat you like you're a piece of china that will break any minute. They assume you're too frail to do anything, so you stop getting invites. Then the saying "out of sight out of mind" takes effect and they no longer stop inviting you because you're frail, but because they really just don't remember you. Which really sucks because getting up and out is what makes you feel better.

  Lastly, there's a small group of friends that don't change at all. These are my favorite. These friends don't treat you differently and they stick with through everything, even when you treat them poorly. These friends watch Dance Moms with you. These friends send you funny animal pictures and talk about old crushes. These friends let you eat their last brownie and tell you their plans for the zombie apocalypse. These friends tell you horrible horrendous knock knock jokes. They're genuinely concerned about you and listen no matter how much you complain. These are true friends and I am so glad I have them.

The next time you know someone that is going through something rough, think about what type of friend you are. And don't lie to yourself about it, because friends really do affect someone's battle. The type of people you surround yourself with really does make a difference on your recovery; mentally, physically, and spiritually. They need a strong group of friends behind them to lean on. So I BEG that you really try to be a part of the last group I described, because when someone has to go through something rough and life altering, like cancer, the last thing they need to worry about are their friends.

My hair is growing! It's weird because I know that hair takes time to grow, but it seems like I woke up one day and all of the sudden there was peach fuzz covering my head. I even had to pluck my eyebrow (now eyebrowS) and shave my legs the other day. I'm not going to lie, being hairless is one perk that I will definitely miss. I've had the luxury of not having to shave for so long (the last time I shaved was prom) that now shaving is going to be a big hassle. I did just have chemo though and I have one more round at the end of the month, so I do get to look forward to not having to shave again.  Unfortunately, the hair on my head is only temporary because of these two rounds. But hair does grow! I just wish the hair on my head would grow as quickly as my eyebrows.

This past weekend I received some news that I'm not sure how to respond to. My emotions were conflicting constantly and I had no idea what was the right way to feel. I'm not going to lie, yesterday I was a blubbering mess. While I started the day crying for one reason, I ended it crying for another. Ruth gave me a bag full of cards that I decided to read. Each one was moving and inspiring. They left me with renewed confidence and vigor. Thank you everyone for giving me the will to stay strong and not drown in my situation. I would also like to thank Walker and Katelyn for telling me its ok to feel what I'm feeling and to let people know. I don't have to keep on acting like a super human. Although I've acted optimistic around people, I'm scared. I cry..ALOT. Sometimes I don't even know why. I yearn to have my old life back. My faith has wavered and I was beginning to crumble. I felt like a sham. Everyone was telling me how inspirational I was because of my unwavering faith and constant strength during my battle with cancer. But secretly I was breaking under this pressure that was being put on me. I thought that it was wrong for me to feel the way I do, but I'm only human. I can only be strong for so long. But because of the cards you sent me, I realize just how much support I have behind me. As much as I complain about the physical town of Lufkin, I really do love the people. I am so thankful for everyone in and around Lufkin and I have no idea what I would do without y'all. Here are some excerpts from some of the wonderful cards.

"Tough Cookie- A fighter that who's too busy kicking butt to sit down and cry, but know's its ok to do both."

"Your fight has reminded me that all of my burdens can be made light if I only set them on Him."

"So I have always loved butterflies. They're so pretty and happy and free. But who would've thought this ugly caterpillar could transform into something beautiful. I sorta see cancer this way. At first it seems like this awful, ugly, unfortunate illness, but something beautiful can come out of it."

"Your situation made me realize what is important, and now I try so hard to always be grateful and handle things like you did."

"I know we believe in different religions but... honestly I don't think that God gives a challenge w/o giving us the adequate strength to get through it."

"I haven't been very "in-touch" with God lately. In fact it wasn't until last night that I realized- I haven't prayed in a very very long time...years!.. It made me realize a lot. I haven't been living my life like I should. Things are going to change. I promise to get closer to God, for you Lizzie! Because of you!"

"My kind friend Lizzie, you are the poop to my toilet...If I still had a Myspace, you would be in my top friends!"

One of the most eye opening cards was from my dear friend Nisha. Since my diagnosis, everyone has been throwing bible versus at me. Which, don't get me wrong, is totally ok. But sometimes I'm just like "Thanks but what does that have to do with my situation?" Nisha included in her card a scripture that most accurately affects my life.
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal"
2 Corinthians 4:16-18